The Blockbuster

If any of you have checked your emails lately, you have surely seen the blockbuster trade just agreed to by Steve and myself. (Someone send Tyler a text so he knows about it) Let me tell you all something about an eight player trade: it gets you hard (booooooing!). I'm so turned on right now I can barely type this sentence, or blink for that matter. Although I'm enjoying this high, all I can think about is the next score. I want a three-team trade. I want a two-team trade that involves draft rights for next year. Let me calm down.

In total, eight players will be changing teams. White Death has traded Ray "I hardly knew ya" Rice, Steve Smith (NY), Cadillac "Glass Knees" Williams, and Kevin Walter to Tehom in exchange for Peyton Hillis, Brandon Lloyd, Joseph Addai, and Steve Smith (Car), who will get nicknames, security clearance, and a White Death cheerleader upon passing their physicals.

In parting, let me say this to Ray Rice:

Ray, we love you. You are a great player who did nothing but represent this dynasty franchise with the class, grace, and style of a Jackie Onassis. We were forced to make a decision for the immediacy of this season, and unfortunately you were the cost. It is always difficult to look a person in the eye and tell them you will no longer win a championship this season, but Ray, you will no longer win a championship this season. However, we hope in the future we have the opportunity to work with you again. You will be missed.

-White Death

The Milton Berle Method

Hollywood legend Milton Berle was allegedly somewhat notorious for his prominent male member. A popular tale told within elite circles of society is that once, while at a party, a young upstart approached Berle. He explained that he’d heard of Berle’s well-endowment, but that he doubted that Berle could measure up to him. Berle accepted the challenge and each man unzipped his pants and revealed themselves to witnesses. Berle won, but it was close. One of Berle’s friends pointed out that very little separated the two competitors. Berle retorted, “I only pulled out enough to win.”

After two victories with the second lowest point totals during the week, I am affectionately nicknaming my squad the "Milton Berles." I’m not formally changing the name—you don’t do that when you’re miraculously 4-1. You just appreciate what’s happening and hope that all your good luck isn’t wasted on the first month of the season. All that said, I feel like the Double Rainbows are just about due for a week where we score 130…and lose.

Brett Favre does not have a pretty cock.

That is all.

Congrats to Our Beloved Commish

I would just like to take this post to congratulate Tyler on his 8-point (and maybe more) victory against the Cream Team this afternoon. I was hoping deep down that Rivers and the Chargers D would be able to revive my chances, or that the Titans would let Rob Bironas attempt 60-yard FGs rather than punting for the hell of it...but it was not to be.

That being said, I think we can all admit that Tyler earned this victory. He has had some bad luck in the past with some close losses, but his team showed its capability this week. Tyler, I will be the first to wish you the best of luck and never forget what victory tastes like. Remember this moment and build on it.

Just so everyone knows, let me reiterate...I DID NOT LOSE THIS MATCHUP...Tyler's team just overachieved a little more than mine. But seriously, great job Tyler.

First Post

The blog has been slow lately, so I decided to post my first post (which sounds like a double negative).

Discuss..

Hello, Seattle

Although there were more enticing places for Beast Mode to land, we here at Killing Horizon are happy to announce that the Seattle Seahawks have acquired Mr. Lynch's services.
Didn't Tyler just trade two players to get Forsett?  The fantasy gods have struck our friend again.

Finally, the second championship

Over the past two years it has become customary for the champion to accept his championship through a formal statement on this blog. That is exactly what I intend to do now.

First, I'm deeply humbled to stand before you as league champion. If I told you I didn't think I would be back on top, I'd be lying. So I'm not going to tell you that. The truth is - I always knew I would be back on top. Because I'm cream. Creamier than Brandon.

This was a fantastic season, and it wouldn't have been possible without all of you, my children. It was your passion, grit, and determination that I will remember the most from this season. And the large trophy.

Finally, I want to thank the Kansas City Chiefs, who knocked six of you out of the game in week one. I would also like to thank Tyler for failing to make a pick in week three and forfeiting a chance at the championship. This large, proud trophy would mean little to me if it were not won in your presence. Until next year,

Taylor (Gentlemen's Game Survivor League Champion!!!!!!!!!)