Ring of Elders: Weeks 7 & 8

A few years back, I started the process of nominating individuals for inclusion in the UPG's Ring of Elders.   Basically, the idea was to select a Mount Rushmore of our spiritual forefathers.  I hoped to nominate a different person for each week of the season.  The four highest vote-getters would make up our league's Ring of Elders.  The whole thing lasted six weeks.  Basically, I lost motivation, and the posts were given a lukewarm reception.  The last time I posted a Ring of Elders entry was back on November 5, 2009.  For whatever reason, I feel like submitting two more nominees for your consideration.

For more information on the Ring of Elders, read the following posts:

http://www.upstandingpirategentlemen.blogspot.com/2009/09/ring-of-elders-week-1.html

http://www.upstandingpirategentlemen.blogspot.com/2009/09/ring-of-elders-week-2.html

http://www.upstandingpirategentlemen.blogspot.com/2009/09/ring-of-elders-week-3.html

http://www.upstandingpirategentlemen.blogspot.com/2009/10/ring-of-elders-week-4.html

http://www.upstandingpirategentlemen.blogspot.com/2009/11/ring-of-elders-weeks-5-6.html

FYI - I believe some of the embedded youtube videos in the above posts no longer work.

As it stands, the voting thus far breaks down like this:

Foghorn Leghorn: 3 votes for, 0 votes against

Blues Traveler: 3 votes for, 1 vote against

Brother Man: 2 votes for, 1 vote against (I think), 1 abstention

Mothman: 2 votes for, 2 votes against

David Icke: 1 vote for, 1 vote against

Edward Gorey: 1 vote for, 2 votes against

If you are new to this and you feel like voting on these older candidates (or if you voted previously but feel like changing your vote), go for it.  I really do not care.

Without further ado, your week seven candidate for enshrinement is:

Error

Aliases: Errol, Grimace

Enemies: Ganon, the creepy wizard that lives in the basement next door

Memorable Quote: "I am Error."

Likes: purple, Bagu, the Triforce of Courage

Dislikes: providing assistance (or really any sort of useful information), having to constantly repeat himself, those snobs from Mido Town

from Know Your Meme: Error is a town character featured in the 1987 NES videogame, Zelda II: The Adventure of Link.  In the game, Link (the main character) is allowed into a huge house that appears smaller from outside and gets acquainted with the heavy-bearded host, who eternally introduces himself as "[I am] Error" when approached by the player.

UPG Moment: obviously

decidely un-UPG moment: not so much a moment as the general consensus that Error is a smug turd

And your week eight nominee:

Jodeci

Aliases: JoDeCi, Audio Sex

Enemies: Jagged Edge (though, to be fair, that is pure speculation), Boyz II Men (for being so soft and for kissing the ladies on the mouth)

Historical Antecedent: New Edition

Memorable Quote: "You're one of a kind.  Lady move with me so I can keep you humping to my beat. Don't you worry bout the time.  As I start to climb.  As I start to climb.  Ohhhhh."  (from the song "Ride and Slide")

Likes: dry humping, wet humping, leather clothing

Dislikes: pretty much anything not related to having sex

from Urban Dictionary: the dopest R&B group that consists of two sets of brothers DeVante and Dalvin and K-Ci and JoJo

UPG moment: "Every time I close my eyes..."

decidedly un-UPG moment: it's possible Stuart Green and I got into a heated argument concerning the relative merits of Jodeci and Jagged Edge that nearly became violent (though I'm not sure you can blame Jodeci for that)

DRAFT WEEK, BITCHES!!

The excitement of draft week is upon us! I encourage each of you to embrace the range of emotions you’ll experience this week: anticipation, confidence, nausea, bliss, and (for some) outright fear. Draft week is a magical time, and on Friday evening we will all reign like gods over hundreds of NFL gladiators clamoring to join our squads.

To bring everyone up to speed on the plans, we intend to start drafting around 7:30 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. I think Brandon and Tyler have the first seven picks, so they can let everyone know how long they intend to take to make their decisions, and we can all adjust accordingly (but seriously, try to be there by 7:30). By all means, come earlier than 7:30 too. I’m taking off work, so I’ll be at the house all day, and I just love company.

We are preparing a GOURMET taco bar for the occasion. How is that different from regular taco bars??? I guess you’ll have to wait and see (hint: girls are more involved in the gourmet version). If you don’t like tacos, then get the H out of this league. We will also have a variety of sides, appetizers (apps, as we call them in the biz), and a bevy of beverages.

Immediately after the draft, we will start the facepunching contest. The winner gets a can of tuna fish, so work on your facepunches this week. After the facepunching contest we can resume feasting like kings and applauding each other for our excellent managerial skills. Scott will probably plug the players into Yahoo's league settings, and Taylor will learn if he defended his Toyota Tundra Best Draft title. Everyone is welcome to spend the night, and Mandy and I are working to accommodate as many warm (and cold) bodies as possible.

Things may get a little weird later in the evening, but assuming we are all able to look each other in the eyes on Saturday morning, we will breakfast together. After that, we will proceed to the farm and engage in feats of strength. The gauntlet of events will include basketball, rope climbing, bench press, corn hole (to restore some of Tyler’s self-confidence), skeet shooting, and maybe I’ll even build an AgroCrag for the ultimate display of who has the most GUTZ. If we don’t feel up to such rigors, then the pool awaits us. It is supposed to be in the mid-80’s and mostly sunny, so the pool is a must. Bring your bikinis, ladies. Taylor is the ultimate arbiter on how long we are permitted to be exposed to sunlight. We can make additional plans once he says we’ve had enough pool time.

In summary: Tacos, Draft, late-night shenanigans, breakfast, feats of strength, pool, and TBD. See you on Friday.

U.P.G. Keepers Reveal 2012-2013

Jason              Drew Brees & Arian Foster
Scott               Ray Rice & DeMarco Murray
Jimmy            Adrian Petterson & Marshawn Lynch
Everett            LeSean McCoy & Jimmy Graham
Taylor            Aaron Rodgers & Rob Gronkowski
Ben L.            Calvin Johnson & Eli Manning

Ben E.            Jamaal Charles & Chris Johnson
Brandon         Philip Rivers & Frank Gore
John               Darren McFadden & Matt Forte
Steven            Cam Newton & Julio Jones
Kyle              Tom Brady & Larry Fitzgerald

Tyler              Steven Jackson & Michael Vick 

Keepers in the projected rounds we already agreed to.  Are we not Pirates?  Have we no honor?

The Blog is Law.

-Pol Pot

More Pol Pot

A conversation via text with John last night:

Me: I'm in interested in acquiring matt ryan from u.  U give me ryan we swap picks.  Say u get my 10th I get your 12th.  Something like that.  Just a thought but I am considering it and wanted to see what u think.

John: No you aren't considering that.  Is this a litmus test for the kind of trade Ill make

John: For the worst trades possible.

Me: ? Are you keeping matt ryan?

Me: I figured u weren't keeping ryan and that you'd rather move up a couple spots than get nothing for him.

Me: I thought that if u kept a qb it would be stafford.

John: Yeah.  Youre right.  That text is a canned text message i send out when people ask me for trades.  Everyone gets it first.

John: Im hoping someone will admit to trying to pull one over on me.

John: So you passed.  Ill look at that.  Do I have matt ryan?

Pol Pot Doesn't Know Google or Rip Van Winkle

A conversation with John this am:

John:  Piano and Shoeshine?
Me:  Yeah
John:  R.V. Winkle?  Is that a whiskey reference?
Me:  I'm not sure.  I think it's a nursery rhyme reference.
John:  I don't know that one.
Me:  Rip Van Winkle.  He sleeps a lot or something.
John:  Not familiar with it.  Is yours some black on black thing? Extra black.
Me:  It's a short story, not a nursery rhyme.
John:  What is the Choom Gang?
Me:  I don't know.  How about you use Google instead of asking me every question?

Trade Announcement

Notice to all Upstanding Pirate Gentlemen:  Tyler and I have agreed to a trade.  LaDainian Tomlinson will be traded to Tyler for cash considerations.  It is LaDainian's desire to return to where it all started, under Tyler's (let's just agree to call it leader)ship, and announce his retirement.  Yeah, I know, I didn't believe it at first either. 

Daddy, What Are Playoffs?

Because he's on a hell of a roll lately (healthy new born boy, new head basketball coach of one of the top five biggest schools in the state and several of our alma maters), let us all remember how much he deserves it, and hopefully Tyler is savoring every moment of it, because fantasy football is right around the corner.  I watched this video today and thought of Tyler, the fantasy football manager. 

Rankings for Keepers

Here are the current Yahoo! rankings and the corresponding round you will be required to forfeit to keep said player if the rankings remain as they are now. I created a fake league just so I could access this; that's how pathetic I am.

Round 1:
 1   Arian Foster
 2     Ray Rice
 3   LeSean McCoy
 4   Ryan Mathews
 5  Calvin Johnson
 6  Aaron Rodgers
 7 Maurice Jones-Drew
 8  Chris Johnson
 9 Larry Fitzgerald
10    Drew Brees
11 Trent Richardson
12    Tom Brady

Round 2:
13    Cam Newton
14   Jimmy Graham
15 Darren McFadden
16 Matthew Stafford
17  Rob Gronkowski
18 Adrian Peterson
19   Roddy White
20    Matt Forte
21  Marshawn Lynch
22   Victor Cruz
23 Brandon Marshall
24 DeMarco Murray

Round 3:
25  Andre Johnson
26  Greg Jennings
27  Jamaal Charles
28    A.J. Green
29   Mike Wallace
30   Hakeem Nicks
31    Wes Welker
32   Julio Jones
33   Fred Jackson
34   Steve Smith
35   Miles Austin
36   Doug Martin


Round 4:
37  Michael Turner
38 Demaryius Thomas
39  Steven Jackson
40   Jordy Nelson
41  Jeremy Maclin
42  Darren Sproles
43 Marques Colston
44    Dez Bryant
45  Antonio Gates
46   Percy Harvin
47   Kenny Britt
48   Michael Vick

Round 5:
49   Dwayne Bowe
50  Brandon Lloyd
51 Aaron Hernandez
52  Ahmad Bradshaw
53   Reggie Bush
54   Eli Manning
55  Peyton Manning
56    Tony Romo
57    Frank Gore
58   Vernon Davis
59  Philip Rivers
60   Fred Davis