Naming Names: Season of Anger

It's that time of year again. The Commissioner has sent out the invites. The league is being populated. Soon, team names will be revealed. I think I speak for all of us when I say this is by far the most important and exciting part of the fantasy season. Just like last year, I'm going to offer my two cents on the best and worst names in our league's storied history.

The Best:

3) Blackbeard's Delight: From Seinfeld to Anchorman to Arrested Development, the Captain is a model of consistency in terms of naming names. While I enjoyed his last entry, The Seaward, Blackbeard's Delight remains the Captain's crowing achievement. (Yes, even more impressive than his 3 trips to the playoffs and championship ring.) While so many of us are hit and miss, we can all look forward to yet another clever moniker from the Captain's repository of obscure sitcom references.

2) Western Front: Luigi took it to the house with this one. For those of you who think this entry is overrated, consider the following: 1) I am admittedly a sucker for political references; 2) the name was chosen while many of the gentlemen that call this league home were engaged in a heated game of Diplomacy; and 3) the mysterious symbol selected by Luigi garners this entry bonus points. Iron Curtain was a worthy sequel, but Western Front remains Luigi's masterpiece.

1) Lord Armstrangler: Where to begin for the aid of the uninitiated? Well, back in undergrad, the Commish and many of the other gentlemen were drafting players onto our NBA Live squads. For some reason, the Commish selected Darrell Armstrong with his first round pick. If you can't see the humor in this fact, well, I just don't know what to tell you. His team name was actually an anagram of "Darrell Armstrong," and it wasn't even one of those stupid anagrams that end up being just a bunch of gibberish strung together. And to top it off, he used a picture of Darrell "Lord Armstrangler" Armstrong as his symbol - a mug shot no less. Wow. Just wow.

The Worst

3) Woody's Warriors: This one is growing on me a bit. I mean "Woody" is at least a nickname for Woodrow. But again, I don't like it. Too much like Jimmy's Jammers or Taylor's Tigers.

2) Obamistic: I hate this name. Maybe part of it is because Luigi abandoned Western Front for this garbage. Regardless, this could end up being my least favorite name of all time by next season.

1) Bengals are Back: Woodrow, I'm sorry. It's just that, well, it's just that this team name is actually a sentence. For some reason, that just doesn't appeal to me. I don't know what to say.

So there you have it. These rankings reflect my opinions and really aren't worth anything. So there. You might really hate my team names. Or maybe you don't care about team names. And maybe if I cared less about team names my teams would actually make the playoffs. Then again, probably not.

Let's put it to a vote.

I am starting to feel like I don't have a say in anything anymore.  We really don't have enough votes in this league. Is anyone feeling like this?  Let us vote:

Aye if you think we should vote on more things more often.

Also, let's vote to increase the weight of all votes by 150%.

I vote Aye, Aye.  Who's with me?

State of the League

Though it saddens me greatly that we will not be able to have a live draft, I think I speak for the all the Gentlemen in thanking Jason for handling this complicated issue and on top of that, offering to host us on Labor Day weekend. Your value to this league is immeasurable, and you are a prime example of a pirate gentlemen. I hate it that you have somehow been linked to such an unscrupulous lot just because you have had ample success in this league. In addition, I appreciate Scott stepping up to create the ballot needed to secure the must needed changes that will take our league in a promising new direction. Though I did not authorize the ballot, Scott has never done anything to jeopardize the league and his passion for fantasy and good competition are both virtuous. I will allow its results to stand after speaking with the "irrelevant" members of the league that Traitor sees as "just teams to beat".

Thinking about our past, the only certainty in our league has been change. It is a testament to our league's principles, the character of its managers, and the spirit of upstanding pirateness to which we have devoted ourselves that our league continues to thrive. Just so we are clear, the following changes to our league have been made:
1) Traitor and Scott have traded Michael Turner and Ray Rice straight up. I love this gamesmanship and believe this will finally solve the mystery, who was the brains behind that first ever Gentleman's Game Champ.
2) Keepers will now cost managers the pick in the round they are projected to be drafted.
3) Keepers projected value will be based on the yahoo rankings (player listing) when the league is created.
4) Waiver wire will be instituted at the beginning of the first weeks game and end on Tuesday. The order of who has first dibs at players will rotate weekly. It will no longer be a free-for-all on Sunday.
5) Lastly, as of now our draft will be on gchat and is scheduled for Sunday evening, August 29th.

To put to rest all the fear stirred by FOX news Ben who has taken his game to a whole new level, I will be the first to tell you this league will go on forever. We may have our differences, we may lose members along the way, and some may try to stage the occasional coup, but this league will never die. For all to read, here is Traitor Payne's recent gchat with Ben.

Taylor: i'm naming myself commissioner today and taking over the league
do i have your support
i already have three others behind me
Ben: who is the third
Taylor: everett
Taylor: we are the power
he's just been the puppet.
all i have to do is say i'm commissioner and i'm commish

Mr. Hal, consider this your official warning and reprimand. First you go behind's Scott's back and rub his name out of the Gentlemen's game trophy. Second, you mock the name of our league with your hurtful words about its managers. But lastly, you discuss mutiny. You want to stage a coup..... You are behaving like a selfish child. You are delirious from your minor success and dangerously power hungry. This is your warning. If you continue to act like a fool you will be placed on suspension from our league. I have already spoken with league elders and have in place alternate 1A should you continue to behave in a way unbecoming of this league. I am the commissioner. No votes, no Big 3, no secret meetings, no gchat discussions will change that. Don't bite the hand that feeds you. This league has brought you success and respect. With that comes responsibility. If you feel that I am not doing my job as commissioner well, man up and let me know. Otherwise, keep your complaints to yourself. I know this league is much bigger than me...do you?

Here comes the email invites. Merry Christmas

James Carl Cuatro and His Votes

Jimmy has entrusted me, his most likable and best white friend to serve as his voice for changes to the league. This text message was in regards to our most recent votes but since Jim doesn't work email so good and I am sure rarely checks our blog, let's take a vote now deciding if Jimmy's vote can be got through me. I think it is a good idea to expedite things and keep this league from falling apart. I'll text him, or take him to hooters so we can talk about the issues, I promise.

Let's Do This Thing

Look, I’m a man. A married man with a child. Compromise is as much a part of my diet as Taco Bell and 80's music (the latter is only figuratively), but that doesn’t make this any easier. There simply are no ideal dates in which we can do a live draft. I’ve spoken with the league elders, and they have advised me that they would rather everyone make a sacrifice and draft on-line instead of trying to hold a live draft and leaving a couple of unfortunate teams to be held hostage by the whims of autodrafting.

Our lives have become so crazy and busy that even scheduling an on-line draft that meets everyone’s demands is tougher than Taylor trying to get straight answers from John. My proposal is that we schedule an on-line draft for 7 p.m. Eastern Standard Time on Sunday, August 29, 2010. The time of day is certainly negotiable, but amazingly, out of the nine of you who voted, this was the only day on which everyone wrote that he would be able to draft in some form.

To soften the obvious disappointment from not drafting together as the family that we are, I’m still more than happy to have any and all of you bunk up with me in Louisville over Labor Day weekend for some sod field football, swimming, and generalized tom foolery. This will be just a few days after the draft, and we can only hope that a marquee player has gotten injured in a subsequent pre-season game, opening the door for unlimited taunting to that player’s unfortunate owner. I believe the UK-UofL football game will also be that evening, so there will be entertainment to carry us through the evening. If all else fails, we can always resort to You Tube videos of Norm McDonald. Please vote in the comments section to let everyone know if an on-line draft on August 29 suits you. If we get a consensus approval, then I’ll release the white smoke.

This is Worth Saving

Guys,

I realize today has been horrible. Somehow everything has started spinning out of control, and it looks like our league of once-merry gentlemen could collapse at any moment. But let me say this, because if I don't I know I will regret it next fall when I'm missing you guys - THIS IS WORTH SAVING. We can't let one terrible day ruin something that has brought us so much joy. It would be really easy to just let this whole thing slip through our fingers. But we should take the path less traveled. I can honestly say it will be worth it. This league is worth more than all of the gold and iron ore in the world. Worth more than all the natural resources and talismans combined.

There are at least 3 issues we have to address if we want to save this league:

1) The Draft

It seems crazy that just 24 hours ago we were all looking forward to a day of touch football and drafting in the Captain's man cave. And now look at us - the draft has been called off, certain individuals are refusing to participate at all, and there is talk of auto-drafting for up to 2 teams.

My solution: We draft in pod formation. I think is the one solution we can all agree on.

2) Special Teams/Kick Returners

Luigi thinks special teams/kick returners should be more expensive this year. By this, I think he means that kick returners should be awarded more points for yards. What say you?

My solution: A good, old-fashioned vote. This may change the keeper situation somewhat, but that's a small price to pay, isn't it?

3) Secret Emails

Luigi dropped a bombshell in the email thread about special teams. (Check your google accounts.) Apparently, the Power 3 have been engaged in communications aimed at undermining the democratic principles of the gentlemen's game. I'm not sure I have a problem with this, but I also do not believe that I understand the full extent of their machinations. Jimmy may have quit upon learning of these actions.

My solution: Compromise - it's the only way.

Gentlemen,

Please sound off in the talkbox. I'm worried about what we're becoming and where we're headed. I hope we're headed somewhere, and I hope all of you hope we're headed somewhere as well. Because I think it will be great. Remember - THIS IS WORTH SAVING.

Things needing votes

1: Still need votes from Jimmy, Everett, and Steve regarding the trade of Ray Rice for Michael Turner. Or Tyler could close the voting and announce the trade a go as it stands at 4 ayes to 1 nay.

2: It has been proposed to lose the keeper in the round he's projected.  Responses have been favorable, but no official vote has been made.

3: Projection used:  I propose sticking with Yahoo since no one has actually seen the official rankings yet.

4: Waiver wire change.  It has been proposed to change the waiver wire rules so as to make it not first-come-first serve.  Each player would get his player off the wire on Tuesday presumably, and the player would be awarded in order of waiver priority.  Again, responses have seemed favorable as of yet, but no official vote has been made.

Please vote yay or nay on all four issues in the comments. I am instituting a deadline of this Friday.  If votes are not in by then, the majority wins.