Live Updates from UPG Playoff Party

Suday 1:30 PM
Greetings to the losers!
Winners are all here having a good time at the Chip and Dip Fiesta for the Playoff Teams of the UPG. We are having some of the best dips I've ever had, some of the best tasting beers that have ever graced my lips.

Some of the decisions we are discussing this year for the league:
1. Whether Tyler is allowed to be in league next year.
The problem is that this is a wonderful league, and in just about any other league Tyler's team could just fly under the radar. In our league it's an eyesore, though. It's the abandoned house in your neighborhood with broken windows. The children talk about how it's haunted, and nobody goes near it during Halloween. If we can condemn that house, maybe it's the humane thing to do.
2. Voting on Tyler's worst rejected trade opportunity.
This should be a fun game, and I encourage everyone to submit players that Tyler decided were not quite "Stabbing Robot material"
3. Will we allow Tyler to remained married to Amy? Who will we decide to be her new, better mate?
Amy's a great girl. We all love her. It's pretty inconvenient that we may have to find a replacement team to fill the void left behind by Tyler. We really don't want to find another cool girl to spend time with us. There is too much risk involved with hookers and strangers. I don't want Amy to have to be alone, so I think the best approach is to nominate the guy who would be able to take good care of her (no offense, Tyler, none of this is personal)

Now I'm going to jump off my roof before Manningham scores another TD on my bench.

What Needs to Happen

With the last week of the regular season approaching, two playoff spots remain open for four potential teams. Here is what each team needs to happen in Week 13 to clinch a spot in the playoffs.

Brandon
- Win

- Lose, and Scott and Ben lose but Brandon does not get outscored by Ben by more than two points. (Brandon owns tiebreaker against Ben).

- Lose, and Scott wins, Ben loses and does not lose by more than seven. (Tyler would own tiebreaker against Brandon).

Ben
- Win

- Lose, and Scott and Tyler lose.

- Lose, and Brandon loses, and not get outscored by Tyler by more than six. (Ben owns tiebreaker against Tyler).

- Lose, Brandon and Scott lose, and outscores Brandon by more than two points. (see tiebreaker scenario above).

Scott
- Win, and either Brandon or Ben lose.

Tyler
- Win, and Ben and Scott lose.

- Win, and Ben loses, and Tyler outscores Ben by more than six. (see tiebreaker scenario above).

Let me know if I've missed a potential scenario.

I Have A Boner

Guys,

It's been awhile since someone has posted on the blog so I figured I would take this opportunity to share an opinion with everyone. I have a hard-on for the fact that our league is so bunched up this year. The races for playoff spots are very tight right now, and I love it.

I have never thought it is entertaining when a team in whatever sports dominates the league in which it competes. The Yankees clinching the AL East before the All-Star break, Manchester United or Chelsea running away with the EPL (for Taylor), or Zenyatta winning a horse race before she is even led up to the starting gate. We need competition and this league was built on competition, whether it be personal or just trying to ensure one person doesn't get that key player off of waivers (no particular situation in mind).

It is like the NFL in many ways - until recently, there has been a different dominant team each week. John has clinched a playoff spot, and my hat goes off to him. With that said, I am in the thick of this race for a playoff spot along with several others. Whatever happens, I have enjoyed this season more than ones in the past and I wish everyone the best of luck either playing in the postseason or watching others play for our coveted prize.

Week 12 Coaching Comparisons

Everett - Bill Belicheck

The most dominant manager in the game today. Like Billy, Everett finds ways to get great performances out of everyone on his roster. He makes smart waiver wire moves, is strong and deep at every position, builds a structure for his guys to operate within, and lets them make plays. A master of playing the odds, as injuries or other circumstances arise, Everett simply inserts someone else into that spot and expects them to perform, and perform they do. (See Manning, Eli)

Ben - Raheem Morris

Consistently really good, but yet to have a "Wow-let's-take-notice-of-this-team-as-a-real-contender" week. Exceeding any expectations fans may have had for this team after a rocky beginning. Ben got out of the gates quick, when some thought it would fade, he continued to win.

Jason - Rex Ryan

Loveable, boisterous, and supremely confident in his team. Like Rex, Jason's team seems to feed off his belief in them, even when others might not. He finds a way to get production out of a group of wide receivers many of us placed as the worst in the league in the early season. He has gotten moderate, but consistent play out of his quarterback and has been able to win despite some low offensive numbers. Without the size of Rex, Jason still manages to be the most polarizing head coach in the league. Some love him, some hate him. But most consider it a compliment to his personality he is loved at all considering how much he wins.

Brandon - Mike McCarthy

Dangerous every week you play them, but seem to fade towards the end of the season, and especially the playoffs. Brandon's lack of success can't really be attributed to injuries or other circumstances, but more the improvement of other teams in the league. Brandon's teams seem to go from good to mediocre by seasons end by virtue of the top teams each year becoming better through trades and waiver wire transactions.

John - Tony Sparano

Constant criticism from fans over recent coaching decisions. Holes at quarterback and tight end, and a stagnant running game most weeks. John has left his best player on the bench more than once, forgotten to play kickers, and has cut productive tight ends in consecutive weeks. Has managed to stay in the playoff hunt, but his team is off the tracks and people question whether he has the fortitude to get it back.

Scott - Brad Childress

Should have been fired three weeks ago. After a tough stretch of losses, Scott hit the panic button, then pulled the panic cord, then ate some panic breakfast, and topped it all off by snorting some panic cocaine. Unlike Childress though, Scott seems perfectly willing to place the fate of his team in Peterson's hands, which for once seem to be holding on to the football. The problem is that Peterson doesn't get a chance to protect any leads by running the ball.

Tyler - Wade Phillips/Jason Garrett

Totally incompetent through the first nine weeks of the season, then turns it on in the past two weeks. Yes, Tyler is on a four game winning streak and still out of the playoffs, but he has strung together some nice games, and looks like he could be a force if he makes the playoffs. Like the cowboys, he relies too heavily on running back committees, but Tyler has seriously dangerous wide receivers and if Roethlisberger and Kitna continue to sling it, his quarterback and wide receivers may be enough to put him in the playoffs for the first time.

Jimmy - Marvin Lewis

Inept, unable to score, and unable to stop people from scoring. It's been a nightmare season for Jim, who many expected to ride his wide receivers to the playoffs. But his receivers have disappointed, and his running game is non existent. A nightmare season that looks to only get worse. Lot of questions to answer in the offseason.

Steve - Mike Singletary

Tons of talent that often produces, but never seems to be enough. In many ways Steve's tought season has been a victim of circumstance. Incredibly high scores each week were put up against him. He sacrificed depth early in the season to snag a top running back, but his team has suffered ever since. A recent injury to star player Hakeem Nicks is indicative of the negative karma surrounding Tehom. However, he has the pieces for the future, and simply has to urge his guys to finish this season strong and find something positive to build on for next year.

Players who won't be drafted as high next year

Matt Forte
Beanie Wells
Shonn Greene
DeAngelo Williams
Jonathan Stewart
Matt Schaub
Mike Sims-Walker
Aromashadu (I can't even remember his first name he's so far off the map)
Kevin Kolb
Miles Austin
Randy Moss
Steve Smith (both)
Donald Driver
Cedric Benson
Chad Ochocinco
Marques Colston
Pierre Thomas
CJ Spiller

Players who will be drafted much higher next year

Mike Vick
Josh Freeman
Sam Bradford
Kyle Orton
Phillip Rivers
Ryan Fitzpatrick
Hakeem Nicks
Dez Bryant
Brandon Lloyd
Steve Johnson
Kenny Britt
Terrell Owens
Mike Wallace
Mike Williams (both)
Austin Collie
Arian Foster
LaGarrette Blount
LeSean McCoy
Ahmad Bradshaw
Peyton Hillis
Marshawn Lynch
Darren McFadden
Brandon Pettigrew
Tony Moeaki

Stafford's Durability

Man he's a pussy.  Here's a quote from Schwartz:
"I don't question his durability at all," Schwartz said. "He hasn't been able to play as much as he'd like to play, but he hasn't been hampered by hangnails or, you know, headaches or anything like that. He's been hit by 290-pound guys going full speed."
Does this latest injury look like he was hit by a 280 pound guy going full speed: Stafford fall?
I have never seen any NFL player be lost for the rest of the season from such an innocuous play. The Peppers' play was legit, and he's a beast, but this?  Poor Megatron. Poor Pantywaists.  What have I done to spite thee Fantasy Football Gods?