Believe me when I tell all of you: I don't want to make this any more awkward than you do. I don't need the big production, the song and dance, or the parade. I, and every athlete on twitter, try to live by one motto #humbleandhungry.
Having said that, I do believe it is appropriate for each of you to pay your champion your respects with a simple, straightforward gesture. Rather than each of you paying your respects in a way you each see fit, thereby creating a situation where I have nine guys each vying for my affection by going over the top with their gesturing, or a situation where the gestures are so diverse or unusual I'm unable to tell if someone properly paid their respects, so I become upset, start drinking, and eventually throw a tantrum and scream at Harper, I've decided to organize a the collective gestures and establish the proper way for each of you to pay me your respects.
After several sleepless nights (not due to thinking about this, but because I had a lady friend in my bed), I finally decided on how each of you should pay me your respects:
Bow to me. Now, I don't want all of you to bow to me at once like you are worshiping me or anything. I'm not that insane. But I would like each of you, upon the first time seeing me at the draft to bow to me. Here is how it should look:
1. Lower your head. Do not make eye contact with me.
2. Drop to your knees. A few of you should already have some practice with this.
3. Rotate at your hips and lower your nose to the ground, just in front of my feet.
4. Kiss my feet. Just kidding! Unless you want to for good luck.
5. Count to three.
6. Rise to your feet.
7. Look me in mine eyes. Then you will see it's still just me. Good ole' Taylor. After this, we can go back to being equals, because even though it doesn't always seem like it, we are. You guys are just equals who haven't been to every championship game in our league and won two of them.*
Look I'm not taking this two-time champion stuff seriously. Let's all go have some fun at this draft. Have fun and bow to me when you first see me.
*Obviously this does not apply to Ben and Kyle, since they are expansion teams. Having said that, I'm not going to not want you to bow to me. If you don't want to feel left out, I would suggest going ahead and bowing to me.
